Wednesday, June 24, 2009

the next step ?

alhamdulillah tempoh 44 hari tu dah habis
dalam hati mmg la seronok sbb lps ni dah xpayah menjawab dgn ramai org soalan2 yg xbest tu
"kenapa keluar?"
"kenapa mnm byk air?"
"kenapa mkn sayur n buah?"
"kenapa tak pakai kain batik?"

seriously semua soalan tu a bit annoying
reasons...keluar sbb nak pg check up rafiq, plus me mmg duduk sini with hubby dearie only.we dont really have any friends or relatives. so everything kena buat sendiri. nak beli brg2 rumah, i have to go. hubby dearie is not really an expert in that. although i can rely on him but god knows he'll take hours just to buy rafiq's diapers..he'll go and survey every shop for the best bargains.
ehem...husband saya mmg gitu.sangat teliti and he says a cent pun rugi nak membazir.skrg bukan musim to waste money. so hasilnya...every time nak pegi shopping for house stuff, i have to go. itupun rafiq dah sebulan baru bawak dia keluar...

y drink? hello...dr kata i have to drink lots of plain water. ikutkan, org yg bf kena minum 8 glasses of plain water per day. klo tgh bf rafiq mmg rasa tekak kering sgt. i dont really know y i cant drink lots of water. cik mah hari tu kata nnti luka lambat kering plus perut buncit. i dont care klo perut buncit.alahai....apalah sangat compared to nak bagi nutrition yg baik for my son. luka lambat kering...hmm mmglah risau. but then insyallah dia akan kering jugak..

kenapa makan sayur n buah. well...masa cik mah was still around, mmg xde mkn sayur or buah. a lot of people say makan oranges mmg cepat baik luka. camaner nak makan. minum air pun dia jeling maut. sayur mmg xdapat beb. everyday, ikan selar or gelama bakar dgn nasi kosong. dah seminggu dia suruh makan halia yg dah digoreng tanpa minyak. before she left dia masak la sawi masak air. even that, dia xbagi makan kuah tu. sayur je boleh..
my BM mmg sikit sangat. after dah 2mgu tu...start makan sayur esp lobak putih n makan benda2 berkhasiat BM makin banyak. alhamdulillah. xtaulah sebab mmg awal2 biasa xde susu or its what i ate. tapi susu badan kan terhasil daripada apa yg kita makan.
ikut www.susuibu.com mmglah kita kena banyak makan sayur hijau, protein, water, vitamins , and kalsium.

kain batik? well....masa awal2 tu pakai la jugak. but my house mmg 24 jam beraircond. rafiq xtahan panas. mula2 balik hospital dgr la ckp cik mah, pakai la kain batik. sejuknyeee ya amat. pakai seluar better. stokin mmg la pakai. so wats the difference? alahai...xtaulah. lgpon me bukan reti sgt pakai. so apa salahnya pakai seluar kan? bila nak urut or tungku me tukarla pakai kain batik. not a problem.

its not that i despise our traditions. banyak yg elok and mmg effective untuk pastikan kita cepat sihat. alhamdulillah, air akar kayu, jamu2, urut n tungku did make me feel a lot better. pemakanan pun. yelah, i admit, xkan la lepas bersalin nak makan masak lemak cili api, rendang semua. so mmg lah gud jugak pantang bab2 makan ni. cuma some things to i think perlu diringankan. seperti kata dr aida n dr raja...org yg terlalu berpantang makan ni mmg lambat baik.

maybe im just some stupid ignorant stubborn mama. or maybe im in denial just because i hate being confined.

i dont know

but i know that i listen to what my body needs. and i know i want whats best for my baby. if i know i cant then i wont. like when i know im still not strong enough to handle rafiqs very energetic mode in the tub then i leave it to hubby dearie. or when i know, i can provide enough food for rafiq then i just bare the very horrible pain during the early attempts of BF.

walaupon cik mah kata...xpayahla nak menyusu kan dia klo susu sikit. bagi je botol. because research says even how little ur BM is..u can BF ur baby. but yes, they will want to BF more frequently. mmg sedih bila 24 jam kena kutuk dgn cik mah masa awal2 bersalin dulu. rasa mcm cacat n kekurangan. but im determined. dr said...baby ceaser mmg lg perlu BF. because they didnt get the good bacteria from their mom's VJJ during birth. dahla skrg cuaca kt miri sgt teruk...i want him to be healthy. i know im not strong enough to handle him if hes sick.
i cant bare to have him cry because hes sick. ibu mana nk tgk anak dia sakit. kdg2 klo dia nangis sbb sakit perut nk poo pn kesian..

well....lepas dah habis tempoh untuk org kutuk2 everything i do...
so now comes reality

being a mom
with no help from anyone
after my sis balik n hubby dearie started his 2 week duty..
me n rafiq both had to learn how to adjust being with each other during office hours.
masyaallah...
the first day...mmg sgt susah..
esp bila rafiq tiba2 xnak tido siang
i think hes waiting for his papa balik
bila lunch hour hubby dearie balik, baru lah nak tido..
masa ni me dah siap mandikn n feed him..
so he wants papa to put him to sleep..
kesian hubby dearie sempat makan n solat je
itupun terkejar2...

me plak, time dia balik sejam ni lah nak mandi n makan...
sama jugak...
kelam kabut...
xde dah boleh mandi lama2 mcm dulu
jgn haraplah nak berlulur2 ke, palai lotion2 ke...last2 lulur NR yg ada tu buat membazir je

dahla hubby dearie terpksa pegi ke bandar nk beli lauk
kesian sgt kt dia
i know hes exhasuted jugak
mlm2 klo rafiq jaga, dia jaga jugak.
teman me bf rafiq...
smpai rafiq dah tido balik baru dia tido

esok pagi2 dah masuk office...
balik lunch, wife xmasak...kena pegi beli sendiri...
kadang2 nak hidang makanan dia pn xsempat.
time 2 tu lah rafiq nk susu la, poo la...

i know he understands
malah dia lg tabah dr i
sometimes, at nights i lagi cranky dr dia if rafiq xnak tido n my body dah penat sgt
dia ok je dodoi2kan rafiq
but then....its my duty as a wife.
he insisted i stayed at home n be a good wife n mommy
but i feel very insecure of my performance

kadang2 bila rafiq tido tu terfikir, dalam masa sejam dua ni sempat x i masak, lipat kain, basuh pinggan, kemas rumah, n gosok baju dia..

sometimes boleh lah siap satu benda.

but most of the times mmg xdapat...

sbb masa dia tido, me dah sangat penat.
so rehat jugak
bila dah energized n nak bgn buat semua tu, dia dh bangun...

rumah pun tunggang langgang skrg
kain pun hubby dearie yg jemur bila balik kerja...
adoi......
teruk nya saya

DOWN
sangat2

sometimes tu paksa jgk diri buat mcm2 benda bg settle
dgn rafiq yg nk duduk atas pngku je bila dia xtido....alahai...
dahla dah 4 kg skrg
bila mlm, luka ceaser tu rasa mcm kena siat2
sakitnyeeeee

i knw i cant do everthing
but i want to be a supermom
i want my husband to still look forward to come back home to a healthy delicious home cooked meal, a spotless home and hot wife
right now, me dah xde dah melawa2 kt rumah, nk mandi pn kena tgu dia balik...

DOWN AGAIN...

tak nak hantar rafiq pg nursery...
lebih baik i xpayah duduk rumah klo mcm tu

tak nak jugak amik maid...
sbb xsuka ada org lain duduk rumah kita...
klo dah mmg lama kenal lainla
nk cari maid yg dtg time siang2 mmg xde la kt sini

what should i do?
will i adapt to motherhood very soon and able to be a supermom?
or should i go back to work pretending im a supermom and come back the same time as he does to cover my incompetencies.

eh tahlah...
camane eh?




11 comments:

Edge Azwan said...

Sabaq na..

I know it can be hard to be patient. Just hang in there! Be strong & Pray to Allah SWT.. Allah will helps those who help themselves..

Zezzatty said...

hye sarah...

ala..jgnla mcm ni.

i pon xterkejar nak buat semua tu...

sejak ada rayna,mana i masak..mmg tak sempat lah..i sampai umah kul 6.00,pickup rayna lg.

smpai umah tros BF rayna,mandikan dia..adess..mmgla xsempat..i mengaku i xcekap mcm sesetgh org yg bole buat semua bnde.

so u r not alone sarah...mari kita sama2 berdoa supaya kita bole jd supermom satu hari nnti...AMIN..InsyaAllah..

(if u nak tau,duduk rumah lg penat kan....serius!)

tp u lucky cuz u dun hv to go to work.leh jg rafiq 24/7.

i jeles!

my hsbnd pnah ckp soh benti keje but...kenot la..nafsu i lain mcm sikit bab2 membeli :-P

senioritasara said...

edge : thanks a lot.penat+risau xtentu pasal....anyway..we have to go through with it.thank god we're blessed

senioritasara said...

zatty : i know.apalah sgt my problem klo dibandingkan dgn org kerja...siap ada 2,3 anak.maybe sbb xpernah rasa penat mcm ni kan.dulu kerja penat2 pon xdelah mcm habis tenaga like dis.pengalaman mmg helps us to be a btter person.tabahkan hati sbb fikirkan anak je.but kesian jugak dgn suami.mana nak suami nnti dlm hati ada rasa lain2...sedih woooo.doa2 lah semoga kita berjaya hadapi all this dgn berjaya....aminnn

ienaadifisa said...

ai nape nih..
tetiba je down nih..
sarah..
u need to know that being a mother is a learning process..
kita takkan cekap dalam masa sehari dua..
so its ok to feel down sometime or rasa cam tak sempurna...
sebab now u are not on your own anymore.. u dah kena jaga someone really special.. dan si kecik tuh mmg perlukan perhatian dari kita...

trust me..
awal2 nih mmg susah sikit..
cam iena dulu lagilah.. dua nak kena tengok.. mmg tension sangat.. kekadang tuh rasa cam.. kenapalah teruk sangat aku nih.. itu tak sempat buat ini tak sempat buat..
tapi as i said earlier.. all this is a learning process...

iena rasa hubby sarah musti paham.. yelah.. walaupun kita duduk rumah.. kta bukan goyang kaki jer tengok baby.. we need to attend to his need... tu pasal kita akan penat..

to be honest with u.. wpun skrg twin iena dah 6 tahun... tapi kekadang banyak jugak benda yang iena miss tuk buat kat umah (b4 the arrival of Afi)

so hang in there.. gunakan masa nih sebaik mungkin.. kerja yang dirasakan boleh di buat kemudian.. kemudiankan.. be with ur son... n remember to rest.. dulu iena pun ceaser so i guess i know how the pain is..

upsss sorry terpanjang pulak

senioritasara said...

iena : thanks a lot...seronok bila org yg mmg ada experience sama2 faham my pain. yelah...fikir2 mmg lah kita xboleh buat semua benda. mana yg mampu je...tapi sbb naluri isteri tu sedih kdg2 tgk suami tak berlayan jd mcm frust...me dah biasa nak buat everything.bila xboleh mmg cam nak marah dgn diri sendiri.badan dahla sgt penat.anyway...thanks again...

The Mrs-Bride said...

ohh..

eventho i'm not a mummy yet, but i sooo understand this!

skang pun, i rasa cam wife ntahpape jer.. i dah lama x cook btol2 tau! i mean, i cooked awal2 pregnant dulu jer.. now... hampehh! rasa cam loser jer.. nih blom jadik mummy dah tunggang langgang life.. nnt dah ada baby, tatau lah camne.. sumore, i'm still working!! i pun x suka ada maid.. x suka ada org asing dlm umah.. hishhh..

hang in there sarah! i know u can do it.. sooner or later, u'll get used to it! don't worry...

to rafiq n ur hubby, u're already a supermom!!! don't worry too much... *hugs*

senioritasara said...

nita : thanks a lot.u made my day...hihihi

ienaadifisa said...

huhu...
tulah tetiba u provoke iena pulak..
hehe.. idakler provoke sarah..
tapi mmg kenyataan..
kekadang.. ada benda yang kita boleh terima.. n the rest tu biarlah kan..

senioritasara said...

iena : betul tu....mmg byk kebaikan tp ada juga yg kena langgar.esp bab minum air hihi..thanksss

Shmea said...

kak sarah, i can imagine how hard it is being apart from your close family. especially this time around, when ur in the process of recovering from giving birth. first time pulak tu.

i feel lucky after reading this. u know, to have my parents, in laws & family near by. nanti bila kena masuk kerja balik, at least ada org jaga baby.

tp kak sarah jgn rasa down sangat ya. nobody's perfect. u just do what u think is best for u, rafiq & ur husband. at least u tried. ur one tough mom and i'm sure things will eventually work out. :)

nuffnang